[GOODBYE CHANGMIN, MY FIRST LOVE] Chapter 2: Coz you are my one and only love, Changmin
A/N: It's not on the plan to continue writing this short story~ But as I listen to 'In a Different Life', I felt that I have so many feelings that I am willing to share to you guys~ And my love for Changming is still growing. So here~~~~~
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It's been 3months since Changmin and I broke up. Those 3 months was never easy. It was almost not bearable if not for my friend who always checked up on me. I could not eat. I felt like every food tastes so bland. I guess I lost a few kilos since then. I always ended up staring at thin air whenever I am alone. And a few tears will flow by. I really don't know what happened to me. I am just so sad~ I felt like I lost the other half of my body. It was difficult to think, to move. I feel so incomplete. I felt so distracted that there were times that I forgot the things that I needed to do. Most of the times, I just cry~ My friend witnessed this that she began to prepare food for me. She would give packed lunch so I wouldn't forget to eat. I really appreciated her efforts because she took the time to prepare them for me. She also scolded me for not taking care of myself~ I assured her that I will try to eat them all. At first, the taste of the food was so-so but as the days go by, I noticed that the food was getting more delicious. I joked her that maybe she just bought them somewhere. But she assured me that maybe her cooking skills have become better. Well, I had no choice but to believe her.
Ever since the breakup, there were several chances that I saw Changmin. One, every Fridays, because we were enrolled on the same class. Second, one Tuesday when I was passing by the library. And third, on a Monday, when I was entering the front door of the school. I always caught his eyes staring at me but he drifted his gaze once he noticed I saw him. I always became teary-eyed whenever that happened. My heart could not take it. It pains me so much seeing him yet I could not talk to him. Then, I would realize that he already exited from my view. Sometimes, I go straight to the restroom whenever I could not control my emotions. I would go to a vacant cubicle and cry my heart out. I didn't know exactly why I cry but I just feel so sad~ and I feel longingness too. I just miss him so much. I realized I don't know how to function without him anymore. I've lost myself so much~
Our moments together flashes back and it pains me everytime. His smiles, his warmth, his comfort, his voice, his whole being~ Everything just reminds me of him. Every song I hear, every scent I smell, every person I see... they all reminds me of memories of him. And all I can do is to go back to those memories that we had and cry, wishing all of them are still real.
Until I got back to my senses. I though about what happened many times. How he told me that he would come back to me when I come back to my old self. So, I started making myself busy~ I asked my friend if she knows any part time job because Im interested on working~ I thought, maybe if I make myself busy, I will forget how lonely I am and I would be back to my old self without realizing it. She said she would look into it and inform me if ever she knows any opening. Aside from being a party girl, that friend of mine is also hardworking. She has many part time jobs because she is supporting herself. I hugged her so tight and thanked her so much for everything. She told me to not get my hopes up but I still thanked her anyway.
I still feel that everything I see and know is all about him but I still embraced it. I began going to the library again. I sometimes go to the place we used to hang out but I don't cry anymore. Well, maybe a bit but I try not to be overly emotional. I just went there to reminisce and to clear my mind. Every memory of him is special. I find myself smiling now whenever I picture his face in my head. My appetite slowly came back as well. My friend was surprised that I could eat so well now. So, I asked her if she's still gonna continue supplying me food. She told me she'll think about it. Haha.
My schedule became so totally packed. I enrolled some extra lessons like piano and foreign language for the mean time since I haven't got any part time job yet. My head somehow forgot the pain, the sadness and him. But I know deep in my heart that he's still there. Big portion of my heart beats for that one person... that one person who took the courage to love me and that person who sacrificed us for my sake. That's him. He's Changmin, my one and only love. And I'm waiting until he comes back~
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