[GOODBYE CHANGMIN, MY FIRST LOVE] CHAPTER 1: Hello, Goodbye... Such A Short But A Sweet Encounter
Note: Changmin is getting married! I am happy and sad at same time. As an old fan, here are my feelings. I constructed everything for 1.5hrs. Haha. Cant believe I still remember the story (somehow). I think I kind of modified a bit. It's a story made by my very close friend for me and Changmin ^^
Before I stan BTS in 2016, my first group to stan was DBSK in 2008. I stan them until late 2010 or early 2011, i think. And my favorite member that time was Changmin. I never had a boyfriend on that period and I always thought of Changmin as my boyfriend. Yeah, I lived in a fantasy. And my friend's story about us added up to that.
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Please play Changmin's 'In A Different Life' on repeat while reading the story~
I was a popular nerd who did not have time to party yet could give in because of my very close friend's request. I remembered I had a paper due the next day so I could not go to the party but my friend really tried to convice me to go with them. I said okay, but I really need to finish the paper so I went along, bringing my laptop to the bar. They were partying while I was sitting in a corner, drinking a huge mug of beer, looking straight to my laptop in front me, typing the words before I forget them. That day was the day I met Changmin. He was pretty popular at school and it was coincidence that he was there as well. I thought my friend was the one who ordered more beer for me, coz she knows I am a big beer lover. I did not notice that all of the beer I drank while doing my paper was all from him. I caught his eyes staring at me but I just ignored it. I was so caught up with my paper's deadline that I thought, no time should be wasted. I was a pretty focused person so no one could distract me once I keep myself focused. I checked the time and it was already dawn. I needed to submit the paper by 9am. So I still had few hours of sleep. I looked for my friend but she was not there. I just saw Changmin standing beside the exit door, smiling, while everyone in the room were preparing to leave. I turned around to check if he was smiling to someone behind me but no. That's the time I was convinced that he was indeed smiling at me. I just froze there and noticed that he was approaching me. He even smiled more as he went towards me. He asked me if I am ready to go. I was puzzled. It's the first time we actually talked and he thought we're already close. He chuckled in the sight of my puzzled expression then he started to explain that my friend is also his friend. And that my friend asked him to bring me home, and for some reason, my friend had to leave first. I kind of bought that coz that friend of mine is a party girl and has a lot of friends everywhere. So I just nodded, picked up my things, and told him I was ready. He offered to bring my things but I said it's okay. I was so sleepy that I just wanted him to take me home. Time is ticking and I needed some rest. We took a ride on his car. I took the seat beside the driver's seat, where he sitted. I closed my eyes as soon as I took my seat. There was only silence. He tapped me on my shoulder when we already arrived in front of our house. Then told me that he would pick me up tomorrow morning. I told him no need but he insisted. I thanked him for the ride and go straight in. He called my name before I lean to the door. I turned around and he shouted 'Good night' with a big smile. I was too tired to smile back but I forced a smile a little and responed 'Good night and Thank You'. As soon as I went in, a cheerful loud voice approached me and yes. That's my friend asking me how was my encounter with Changmin. She told me before that she was going to set me up with someone and now I know that the person she was talking about was the popular, brilliant, handsome Changmin. I just smiled and told her it was okay. She was so much excited than I was. I am not really showy about my feelings so I just told her what happened briefly coz I'm too tired and I might oversleep if i went on with the details. I mentioned that he was going to pick me up tomorrow before class. And her eyes even became wider. She wanted to dig in some more but I closed the door already, hoping the door did not slam on her face. It was a pretty long night yet my heart is full. I woke up just in time to prepare and submit my paper. Thirty minutes later, Changmin was already there eating breakfast with my friend. Just like last night, his smile was bright but became even brighter as he looked straight to my eyes.
Changmin has been my ideal guy. He is long legged, smart, with bright personality and everything. So it was not really difficult to fall in love with him. Days later after our first meeting, he confessed and started courting me officially. He is the sweet guy. He would always bring flowers and chocolates. He is also clingy that he goes everywhere with me. I am the type of person who loves to go to the library and read and study. I somehow thought that I might bore him with my life yet he surprised me. He never made me feel that he is bored. Instead, he just read books and studied with me. We enjoyed quiet time together until I became comfortable with him that I started to open up my feelings with him. Months later, I decided to say yes and we eventually became a couple. My friend said that our lovestory was the talk of the town. We became the campus couple that everyone admires. Our hobbies did not change. We often go to the library to read books and study but this time, we do them together. We even quizzed each other about the books we have read and the loser will have consequence. We still go to a pub and he would order as much beer as I want coz he knows how much I love that. I am a strong drinker so I dont get drunk even if I order many bottles. So he is fine with that as long as I don't lose myself through the influence of liquor. We will always hold hands and hug each other even on public. In short, we were always together that we never thought of being separated from each other.
Until one day. That we are too afraid to lose each other. It was too frightening that the thought of it is like being swallowed by a lion. We became too dependent on each other. I became too dependent on him. That losing him can also mean losing my life. Honestly, it scared me. And Changmin noticed that. He is so keen that he could observe every change within me. He knows me well. He loves me. I can see that. And I love him. I love him more than anything or anyone in this world. But there has to be a limit.
The day that I was so nervous about, the most I was afraid of happened. He is breaking up with me. My tears continuously flowed as those words came out from his mouth. 'We need to break up'. He explained everything and told me it is all for my sake. I was at loss of words. I could not control my tears. They just kept on flowing. I felt deep pain on my chest that it became so difficult to breathe. I could not say anything. I just stared down while he was explaining himself. I could not look to his eyes. He touched my hands. I really did not know what to say. I was just so upset. He hugged me and told me he would come back when everything starts to be back to normal. He noticed that I, an independent woman, changed when we became together. He told me that he doesnt want me to lose myself. That I am very important to him. That the time that we are far apart would make things better for me. He explained how much it pains him as well but my being is much important to him. I actually believe him. I know him well and I know that he is not lying. I just have to trust in him. But hearing the words of farewell and parting just pains me so much. I admit, I really became too dependent to him so being away from him is so much difficult for me. We hugged so tight until I finished crying. He said his last words to me. He said 'I love you'. My heart is so much in pain. I sobbed and kissed him on the lips and said I love you back. Then he hug me again and whispered to my ears that he had to do it. I heard him sobbed then he turned his back on me. I saw him wiping his eyes then looked back to me. He said that he will come back. He tried to smile then went away.
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That breakup scene felt real. I was so upset with that breakup. And that feeling is the feeling I have now that I discovered Changmin will be married to his girlfriend. I actually hoped Changmin should be married as well the time I got married 2years ago. I really did not expect that I will be married first before him. I want him to be happy as well. I want him to have a family. Honestly, I am sincerely happy for him. Maybe I am just reminded of the past that's why I felt sad. I did not really have the chance to meet him yet. I somehow told myself that I should have gone to his concert even once before this marriage thing. I had a chance but I did not grab it. Im too late. Well, technically, I still have a chance to meet him. Even if he's married i will still meet him. I promise to go to his concert in the near future. This pandemic be gone soon please!
And after that will be my farewell.
Goodbye Changmin. Goodbye my first love.
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